After I wrote this blog entry I showed it to several people who I consider to be devout Christians. I was a little concerned that some people might take offense at my pretending to be God in the way described below. One person who I have deep respect for, said that people she knew might well take offense and the other, a Christian minister herself, said she loved it and hoped I would publish it. I am offering this only as a recollection of an experience that had profound meaning for me and not as a reflection of any religious tradition. I have no desire to offend anyone and hope that this is received in the lighthearted and tender way it is offered.
One of the many benefits of being in bed for 7 weeks with two injured ankles was the time I spent with my husband, Kevin. Because I wasn’t hopping up to do my yoga practices we had many precious leisurely mornings when we talked and shared at a very satisfying level. One of those mornings I had done a long meditation lying in bed and was infused with cheerfulness. Kevin jokingly said that God was happy with me for being so cheerful during my convalescence. The he began to pretend to be God and said some more things to me. It felt really good to have God’s approval and love and even though we both knew the conversation was “pretend” I could feel that parts of me accepted the conversation as real. It was wonderful! Then, seeing how much fun Kevin was having playing God, I took a turn.
I don’t know if you have ever pretended to be God (that you admitted!) but I have to say that the moment I began I felt big, really big inside. I could easily step out of the little identification of myself and have a much wider view. It felt wonderful and true somehow. Right away I knew that it was important for Kevin to feel the feminine side of God and invited him to think of “Me” in that way. I felt some sadness that in our culture we often think of God as an old man in heaven with a long, white beard, who in the Old Testament at least, frequently went around smiting people. We declared our bed to be a “No Smiting Zone.” We laughed and felt some sadness at the same time. Still in my role as a Divine Being I said some things about him that I really appreciated and gave him lots of encouragement to trust himself as I trusted him. I felt as if all the power of the Divine Feminine was pouring through me into him.
Then my vision got even bigger and I thought about the whole world and what I would want for all “my children.” I considered the many wars, the starvation, the degradation of the environment and how so many people could not see the beauty in each other. Even God can feel great sadness I guess. I also felt really glad for the all the beauty in this world of mine and how much tenderness I (still in my Divine Role) felt for all my dear children along with the oceans, animals, plants and mountains—all of this creation. And I told Kevin that in this moment there were only two things I wanted for the people of this world: more tenderness and more laughter! I thought about it again to see if it felt really true (because as God I did want to be accurate) and yes, more tenderness and more laughter seemed right. I couldn’t think of any problems that wouldn’t be helped with those two qualities. I spent some time feeling tenderness and felt the softness in my heart (God’s heart is Very Big). It felt good—there was a tinge of sadness and of hopeful sweetness all rolled in there, and the soft melty-ness of it seemed to go on forever. And then we laughed—great big belly laughs as we rolled around on the bed. As God it is easy to have lots of big feelings inside all at once.
At some point I decided to be Marcia again but that day has stayed with me. “God’s” yearning for Her children has become my desire as well and I have been cultivating more tenderness and laughter in myself and my life. My yoga practice is more fun for sure, and every situation I encounter is enhanced.